My university is having a convo celeb for my batch that has finished phase 1. When I got the letter, I had mixed feelings ...
I was proud that I had finished my phase 1. It has been 2 1/2 yrs of pain, tears, sweat, laughter and screams. I felt that I had reached a milestone. A point before I enter the dreaded phase 2.
I am also grateful to my uni. They have taken the effort to recognize our achievement. The want to honour us for the journey we have made along with them. (Before anyone criticizes ... I believe in giving the uni admin the benefit of the doubt that they are not just trying to have publicity)
However, after reading the letter, I felt depress (I think it is the emotion that suites best but maybe it is more of a combination of disappointment and apprehension). On that day, I (my batch) will being wearing a robe without hood or mortar board. I (my batch) do not earn a degree but rather a certificate that we have passed the phase 1. I feel rather "sweepable under the carpet"?
Other than that, I did not truly achieve my goal for the finals to finish the phase 1 programme. My results were below the average score. Hence, I am a below the average student. While many know that passing is the main idea ... I can't help but feel under achieved. I don't feel accomplished. I can almost imagine myself on the day of the convo ... walking down from the stage and crying, not out of joy but out of failure. Sigh. Maybe I am just feeling under the weather.
Well, I am grateful to have come this far no matter what my dreams were. So, while I am grateful to both fate (for my results) and my uni (for the honour), I have made the decision to not attend the ceremony. Perhaps I am reading to deep. Perhaps I am being silly. Perhaps I am being selfish. But, I can't help how I feel. Thanks but sorry :P
2 comments:
it's OK not attending function you are uncomfortable with. In this case , it is definitely more for publicity than honour. You will get your turn in 2 1/2 years time.
We are proud of your achievement in the 1st phase of your medical study. As long as you passed the exam you are consider the cream. That is why there is no 1st class or 2nd class in the medical degree.
It is important to remind oneself so very often that it is not the end result that only matters. The journey to the goal ultimately is of utmost important.You have put in your best. The results is for you to intepret and to work on.Many people may have the same goal but NOT everyone reach it.We all hear a different drummer.It doesn't mean it is the wrong music.
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